How could have I forgot this. Temporary blindness brought on by seething rage probably.

Overnight on Thursday, the yellow line fairy visited my manor and decorated the tarmac at strategic points with its own brand of gutter fascism. Several 10 or 15 feet stretches are now forbidden to the honest parking motorist and I cannot see why they even bothered.

a) People seldom park there.
b) Round here, traffic wardens are rarer than hen’s teeth.

Its happening everywhere. There was a two page spread in the local paper a few weeks back from a well-meaning but dotty councillor determined to banish the evil motorist from Plymouth city centre. How is this to be achieved? Well, if said loon was to be believed, we will all flock en-masse onto the frequent, comfy and excellent value of a thing called a bus. Unfortunately, I only use a bus when forced to. These aluminum coffins are smelly, expensive, full of chavs and slags and I wouldn’t hop aboard one at gunpoint.

A day-return from my house into town is a little under £4, quite good value when you add the cost of my car’s petrol to a parking space. Not so good value when you consider how picking your nose and singing along to Tears For Fears is frowned upon on public transport. They don’t stop outside your door no matter how nicely you ask either.

The council is quick to say that car parking is only expensive to “encourage” drivers to use busses.

What complete arse.

The smokers amongst you will appreciate this line of thinking. A similar strategy is used come budget time when the price of fags is hefted skyward to discourage you all from buying fags. It works really well and I predict that smoking will cease to exist by February next year.

So we come full circle, because every single side street and alleyway in Plymouth is forbidden to the parking motorist. Yellow lines cover the gutters for mile upon mile. What saints the council are for protecting the residents of these thoroughfares from the evil cackle of honda driving bastards such as I. Well done you troff-swilling, gravy-train riding, cheap-suit wearing, beaurocratic wannabees.

Just think. People less clever than I think you have done it to force us all into your over-priced, crime filled parking caverns.

Thank Winton for out of town supermarkets and their vast free parking, buy-on-get-one-free deals and home delivery service.

So whose won then? I have lost track.

Categories: Anger, Car
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